Today’s sentence: When it comes to reality TV, I….
…am not addicted. Okay, that’s a lie. I’m somewhat addicted, but it feels like something I should totally deny. Okay, okay, I’m completely addicted. I think it’s impossible to get away from reality TV though, because it’s the new way of doing things. So, in no particular order, here’s are my favorites:
The show that started my addiction. It was my gateway drug, damnit! I know that I said these were in no particular order, but Survivor ranks on top of my list. Luckily, I get to watch it twice a year: once from September to December, and again from February to April/May. If you try to take Survivor away from me, I will go into withdrawals and serious consequences will ensue.
2. Big Brother:
I honestly don’t know why I watch this show. I think it’s because there is nothing else on during the summer and I feel the need to waste three evenings per week watching this damn shit so I can feed my reality TV habit.
3. Duck Dynasty:
I fell in love with the rednecks during the first season. Currently, they are in their second season and I’m disappointed. It seems as if the show is scripted and I hate that. Jase and Si are my favorites. I like their father Phil too and his way of thinking sometimes.
Favorite quote from the show:
~ Whether you’re talkin’ about bees, dogs or women, Pain can come up on you QUICKLY – Si Robertson ~
4. Real Housewives of…all of them except New York and Miami:
This one was my gateway drug into everything, “Real Housewives…” This is the show that started it all for Bravo Tv’s success and even if the “cast of characters” has changed over the years, I’m still devoted. Although with the introduction of Alexis, I feel like punching something. Something blonde. Something fake. Alexis maybe? Could be her husband too, but he’s not blonde, just an idiot.
I started watching this one to see what it was all about. Of course during the first season, Kim Zolciak thought she could sing. She couldn’t. It was hilarious. Don’t even get me started on her wigs. At least she had enough smarts to leave the show.
This season? Not so much. The introduction of a new character, Kenya, has my nerves rattled. Also, NeNe is not as, “glamtastic” as she thinks she is. Bloop! (<—a NeNe-ism). Phaedra and her self-proclaimed, “Donkey Booty?” Nevermind. I can’t go there.
Who doesn’t love a good Guido? Me, that’s who! I get my fill of Guido-isms, backstabbing, and threats of mafioso-type violence on this show. Codice di famiglia del silenzio? (aka, “family code of silence,” for you non-Italian speakers). Not so much, because these women blab all kinds of family business to anyone who will listen. Loyalty is not their forte. Caroline seems to be the only voice of reason, but does anyone listen? Hell no, because the Guido’s on this show don’t like to be told to keep quiet.
They speak two languages: Guido and Sign language. Why sign language? Because a Guido can’t talk without using their hands.
Don’t get me wrong, because I love the Italians. Really I do. In my past life, I think I was a member of the mafia. Probably the head of some family too. Shall we discuss my addiction to mafia/gangster movies and my all time favorite, The Sopranos? Seriously. I have all six seasons of The Sopranos on DVD and have watched every single one of them so much that I can quote the lines. I’m not against whacking someone’s knees either.
Ugh. Taylor Armstrong and her, “It’s-all-about-me,” attitude has gotten on my last nerves. Can you say, “drinking problem?” I know her husband was abusive and ultimately killed himself because she confessed to her secret life hiding behind the fist of an asshole, but that doesn’t mean she has to act the way she does. Lisa Vanderpump seems like the only rational one in this group. I could be wrong.
I can’t even get into RH of New York. I’ve tried.
And, I can’t watch RH of Miami. Here’s why:
Full Throttle Saloon:
A friend of mine started me on this show and I’m still watching. I can’t figure out why because I’m not into motorcycles, leather, hard rock music, half-naked women who think they look good in dental floss, and I no longer drink. However, watching idiots who get drunk and make asses of themselves seems to be pretty good entertainment. Enough said.
Love, love, love this show. I can’t get enough of it and could watch it in a continuous loop. I think it’s because I love to cook and have gotten some pretty good ideas. There are some annoying contestants (chefs) on the show and I’m usually right when I predict that they’ll get picked off quickly.
Plain and simple: Jeff Lewis is a complete horses’ ass and that’s why I love him. Deep down he’s one of those guys that truly cares, but just doesn’t know how to show it. I am just like him, complete with OCD too. Bup, bup, bup (holding my finger up to silence your objections): I know y’all think I’m sweet, charming, and utterly cuddable (yes, I invented a new word. Shut up), but nope. I’m just like Jeff Lewis: I can be a horses’ ass. If you’re too quick to agree, I’ll pull out my good Sopranos-whacking-bat and go to town on your knees.
Honey Boo Boo:
Note: Glitzy was Honey Boo Boo’s pet Viietnamese Pot-bellied Pig. I say “was,” because Mama June finally had the sense to find it another home, probably because the squealing from the pig was louder than the whole family. Jealous, I’m sure.
I think I watch this show because of the Holy-Shit-Factor. I constantly say, “Holy Shit,” through that entire show. I just can’t believe people like this actually exist. I did a post on it last year. You can read it by clicking HERE.
The only respectable thing about this family is that Mama June insists that the money earned from this show ($20,000 per episode! What the…what?) goes directly into a trust fund for the kids. Also, Mama June turned down a brand new house that TLC wanted to build for the family.
However, nothing good will happen to Honey Boo Boo after her 15-minutes of fame are up. I see a pole dancing occupation in her future. You heard it here first.
Love this show too, in particular, Antonio (the one on the right in the picture above). He admits that he has Turret’s Syndrome and it shows when he gets nervous. I know it’s wrong to laugh, but I simply can’t help it. He’s hilarious when the Turret’s kicks in! Even his partner in crime, Steve, gets tickled when Antonio’s tics start. BA-BAM!
Shut up. A friend of mine got me started on this one too. After the first season, a lot of people were pissed and would say, “But they aren’t even from Jersey Shore!” My response? “No shit, but they never claimed to actually be from Jersey Shore. They just went there for the summer and filmed a reality TV show.”
But really? It was a hard show for me to follow because of how MTV bleeps out most of their words.
Snooki: You stupid, mother <bleep>. I can’t <bleep> <bleep> <bleep>. So there.
JWow: <bleep>hole! You’re just a <bleep> <bleep> and I can’t <bleep> <bleep> <bleep>.
Mike (The “Situation): <bleep> Check out my <bleep> abs! <bleep> Yo! <bleep> That’s a <bleep> situation, right there <bleep>!
You get the idea. No plot, obviously. Just a bunch of drunk, stupid idiots. I watched it for sheer entertainment because it was fun to see how stupid people can be. I’m glad it’s over and will never be back.
This is a spin-off from RHOBH and its’ star Lisa Vanderpump. I only started watching it because it airs right after RHOBH and nothing else was on. This is just another version of Jersey Shore, only set in Beverly Hills/Los Angeles. It’s not good, but now I’m curious only to see who Lisa plans on firing. Of course, they’ll drag it out until the season finale and by then, I’ll have lost too many brain cells to care.
I only watch the auditions. Well, that last sentence should be past tense, because after watching the season premiere this year, I couldn’t fathom watching anymore of Mariah Carey. I simply cannot stand that woman. Nicki Minaj isn’t much better, but I’d rather watch that Muppet than catch a fleeting glimpse of Mariah.
Seriously, Nicki Minaj is a Muppet. Here’s proof:
Well, that’s it. I can’t believe I admitted to all of this, but admitting it is the first step to recovery. Looking back on this list makes me embarrassed, but I can’t help it. I get wrapped up in all the bullshit drama. I think I might need an:
That’s another good show too.
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Who’s gonna with the Super Bowl? I wish the Cowboys were playing and while I’m not a Ravens or a 49ers fan, I’ll be rooting for the Ravens. Why? Because I have a bet with a fellow blogger, Rachel Harper over at Rambling Amazon that her Stinky 49ers will lose. No self-respecting redneck (aka Cowboy fan) likes the 49ers. Or the Eagles. Or the Steel…Oh, hell, we hate ‘em all.
If I win the bet, she has to post my blogs on her Facebook page and Tweet it out 5 times. I have to do the same for her if she wins.
I’ve already lost a bet to her when the Atlanta Falcons lost. Pfffft.
COME ON RAVENS!!!
Yoga? What a joke. The taco meat and lettuce wrap I had yesterday didn’t mix well with the downward-facing-dog position. Flatulence occurred.
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