Reality TV

Today’s sentence: When it comes to reality TV, I….

…am not addicted. Okay, that’s a lie. I’m somewhat addicted, but it feels like something I should totally deny. Okay, okay, I’m completely addicted. I think it’s impossible to get away from reality TV though, because it’s the new way of doing things. So, in no particular order, here’s are my favorites:

1. Survivor:

survivor reality tv

The show that started my addiction. It was my gateway drug, damnit! I know that I said these were in no particular order, but Survivor ranks on top of my list. Luckily, I get to watch it twice a year: once from September to December, and again from February to April/May. If you try to take Survivor away from me, I will go into withdrawals and serious consequences will ensue.

2. Big Brother:

big brother cbs reality tv

I honestly don’t know why I watch this show. I think it’s because there is nothing else on during the summer and I feel the need to waste three evenings per week watching this damn shit so I can feed my reality TV habit.

3. Duck Dynasty:

duck dynasty

I fell in love with the rednecks during the first season. Currently, they are in their second season and I’m disappointed. It seems as if the show is scripted and I hate that. Jase and Si are my favorites. I like their father Phil too and his way of thinking sometimes.

Favorite quote from the show:

~ Whether you’re talkin’ about bees, dogs or women, Pain can come up on you QUICKLY  – Si Robertson ~

4. Real Housewives of…all of them except New York and Miami:

Orange County:

Real housewives of orange county bravo tv

This one was my gateway drug into everything, “Real Housewives…” This is the show that started it all for Bravo Tv’s success and even if the “cast of characters” has changed over the years, I’m still devoted. Although with the introduction of Alexis, I feel like punching something. Something blonde. Something fake. Alexis maybe? Could be her husband too, but he’s not blonde, just an idiot.

Atlanta:

Real housewives of atlanta bravo tv

I started watching this one to see what it was all about. Of course during the first season, Kim Zolciak thought she could sing. She couldn’t. It was hilarious. Don’t even get me started on her wigs. At least she had enough smarts to leave the show.

This season? Not so much. The introduction of a new character, Kenya, has my nerves rattled. Also, NeNe is not as, “glamtastic” as she thinks she is. Bloop! (<—a NeNe-ism). Phaedra and her self-proclaimed, “Donkey Booty?” Nevermind. I can’t go there.

New Jersey:

real housewives of new jersey bravo tv

Who doesn’t love a good Guido? Me, that’s who! I get my fill of Guido-isms, backstabbing, and threats of mafioso-type violence on this show. Codice di famiglia del silenzio? (aka, “family code of silence,” for you non-Italian speakers). Not so much, because these women blab all kinds of family business to anyone who will listen. Loyalty is not their forte. Caroline seems to be the only voice of reason, but does anyone listen? Hell no, because the Guido’s on this show don’t like to be told to keep quiet.

They speak two languages: Guido and Sign language. Why sign language? Because a Guido can’t talk without using their hands.

Don’t get me wrong, because I love the Italians. Really I do. In my past life, I think I was a member of the mafia. Probably the head of some family too. Shall we discuss my addiction to mafia/gangster movies and my all time favorite, The Sopranos? Seriously. I have all six seasons of The Sopranos on DVD and have watched every single one of them so much that I can quote the lines. I’m not against whacking someone’s knees either.

Beverly Hills:

Real housewives of beverly hills bravo tv

Ugh. Taylor Armstrong and her, “It’s-all-about-me,” attitude has gotten on my last nerves. Can you say, “drinking problem?” I know her husband was abusive and ultimately killed himself because she confessed to her secret life hiding behind the fist of an asshole, but that doesn’t mean she has to act the way she does. Lisa Vanderpump seems like the only rational one in this group. I could be wrong.

I can’t even get into RH of New York. I’ve tried.

And, I can’t watch RH of Miami. Here’s why:

real housewives of miami marasol's mother bravo tv

This should explain my reasoning. Botox anyone?

Full Throttle Saloon:

Full Throttle Saloon

A friend of mine started me on this show and I’m still watching. I can’t figure out why because I’m not into motorcycles, leather, hard rock music, half-naked women who think they look good in dental floss, and I no longer drink. However, watching idiots who get drunk and make asses of themselves seems to be pretty good entertainment. Enough said.

Top Chef:

top chef bravo tv

Love, love, love this show. I can’t get enough of it and could watch it in a continuous loop. I think it’s because I love to cook and have gotten some pretty good ideas. There are some annoying contestants (chefs) on the show and I’m usually right when I predict that they’ll get picked off quickly.

Flipping Out:

flipping out bravo tv jeff lewis

Plain and simple: Jeff Lewis is a complete horses’ ass and that’s why I love him. Deep down he’s one of those guys that truly cares, but just doesn’t know how to show it. I am just like him, complete with OCD too. Bup, bup, bup (holding my finger up to silence your objections): I know y’all think I’m sweet, charming, and utterly cuddable (yes, I invented a new word. Shut up), but nope. I’m just like Jeff Lewis: I can be a horses’ ass. If you’re too quick to agree, I’ll pull out my good Sopranos-whacking-bat and go to town on your knees.

Honey Boo Boo:

honey boo boo

Note: Glitzy was Honey Boo Boo’s pet Viietnamese Pot-bellied Pig. I say “was,” because Mama June finally had the sense to find it another home, probably because the squealing from the pig was louder than the whole family. Jealous, I’m sure.

I think I watch this show because of the Holy-Shit-Factor. I constantly say, “Holy Shit,” through that entire show. I just can’t believe people like this actually exist. I did a post on it last year. You can read it by clicking HERE.

The only respectable thing about this family is that Mama June insists that the money earned from this show ($20,000 per episode! What the…what?) goes directly into a trust fund for the kids. Also, Mama June turned down a brand new house that TLC wanted to build for the family.

However, nothing good will happen to Honey Boo Boo after her 15-minutes of fame are up. I see a pole dancing occupation in her future. You heard it here first.

Barter Kings:

Barter Kings on A&E

Love this show too, in particular, Antonio (the one on the right in the picture above). He admits that he has Turret’s Syndrome and it shows when he gets nervous. I know it’s wrong to laugh, but I simply can’t help it. He’s hilarious when the Turret’s kicks in! Even his partner in crime, Steve, gets tickled when Antonio’s tics start. BA-BAM!

Jersey Shore:

Jersey Shore MTV

Shut up. A friend of mine got me started on this one too. After the first season, a lot of people were pissed and would say, “But they aren’t even from Jersey Shore!” My response? “No shit, but they never claimed to actually be from Jersey Shore. They just went there for the summer and filmed a reality TV show.”

But really? It was a hard show for me to follow because of how MTV bleeps out most of their words.

Snooki: You stupid, mother <bleep>. I can’t <bleep> <bleep> <bleep>. So there.
JWow: <bleep>hole! You’re just a <bleep> <bleep> and I can’t <bleep> <bleep> <bleep>.
Mike (The “Situation): <bleep> Check out my <bleep> abs! <bleep> Yo! <bleep> That’s a <bleep> situation, right there <bleep>!

You get the idea. No plot, obviously. Just a bunch of drunk, stupid idiots. I watched it for sheer entertainment because it was fun to see how stupid people can be. I’m glad it’s over and will never be back.

Vanderpump Rules:

vanderpump rules bravo tv

This is a spin-off from RHOBH and its’ star Lisa Vanderpump. I only started watching it because it airs right after RHOBH and nothing else was on. This is just another version of Jersey Shore, only set in Beverly Hills/Los Angeles. It’s not good, but now I’m curious only to see who Lisa plans on firing. Of course, they’ll drag it out until the season finale and by then, I’ll have lost too many brain cells to care.

American Idol:

american idol

I only watch the auditions. Well, that last sentence should be past tense, because after watching the season premiere this year, I couldn’t fathom watching anymore of Mariah Carey. I simply cannot stand that woman. Nicki Minaj isn’t much better, but I’d rather watch that Muppet than catch a fleeting glimpse of Mariah.

Seriously, Nicki Minaj is a Muppet. Here’s proof:

nicki minaj muppet

Well, that’s it. I can’t believe I admitted to all of this, but admitting it is the first step to recovery. Looking back on this list makes me embarrassed, but I can’t help it. I get wrapped up in all the bullshit drama. I think I might need an:

intervention

That’s another good show too.

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Who’s gonna with the Super Bowl? I wish the Cowboys were playing and while I’m not a Ravens or a 49ers fan, I’ll be rooting for the Ravens. Why? Because I have a bet with a fellow blogger, Rachel Harper over at Rambling Amazon that her Stinky 49ers will lose. No self-respecting redneck (aka Cowboy fan) likes the 49ers. Or the Eagles. Or the Steel…Oh, hell, we hate ‘em all.

If I win the bet, she has to post my blogs on her Facebook page and Tweet it out 5 times. I have to do the same for her if she wins.

I’ve already lost a bet to her when the Atlanta Falcons lost. Pfffft.

COME ON RAVENS!!!

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P90X Update:

Yoga? What a joke. The taco meat and lettuce wrap I had yesterday didn’t mix well with the downward-facing-dog position. Flatulence occurred.

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GK Adams

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  • http://pictimilitude.com Cyndi

    Ahahaha. That last line cracked me up. Fun post!

    • http://www.funnylifestories.com GK Adams

      Thanks, Cyndi!

  • http://janinehuldie.com Janine Huldie

    Loved your list and will say my mom watches The Real Housewives and loves the New Jersey one. She keeps telling me to watch, but I am afraid if I do I will become addicted. So I have somehow managed to stay far away!! Awesome post and thanks as always for linking up with us!! :)

    • http://www.funnylifestories.com GK Adams

      You can watch RHONJ. It’s easy. I promise you won’t become addicted. That much. (I sound like your Real Housewives dealer, don’t I?)

  • http://ohboymom.com Emily

    Wow, you are a reality TV expert! All I can say is that photo of the woman from RH of Miami SCARED me a lot! And I’ve gotta root for the 49′ers because I went to college with the coach Jim Harbaugh so gotta root for his team. Thx for the P90X update…keep going girl!

    • http://www.funnylifestories.com GK Adams

      You misspelled the 49er’s…the correct spelling is, R-A-V-E-N-S

  • http://www.ramblingamazon.com Rachel Harper

    You’re singing to the choir girl, I love me some bad reality TV. I hate Taylor Armstrong with a passion, but Kyle Richards drives me nuts too, she doesn’t take a stand on anything, is a mean girl, and is an attention whore. As per New Jersey, I love Caroline, Theresa makes my skin crawl, but in the best way. We’re on the same page with all of the above. Loved this.

    • http://www.funnylifestories.com GK Adams

      I heard that Caroline and Kathy are not coming back next season.

  • http://kissmylist.com Dana

    Linking up from FTSF – I am in awe of the depth and breadth of your reality show repertoire! The only one from your list I watch is Top Chef, but I make up for it by watching lots of other crappy shows.

    Baltimore is my team – GO RAVENS!!!

    • http://www.funnylifestories.com GK Adams

      Glad you stopped by, Dana. Hope you stick around! Top Chef is AWESOME! It ranks high on my list, under Survivor (just a pinch though).

  • http://jdeneen.com Julie DeNeen

    Holy Smokes! You do need an intervention! ROTFLMAO>…nah – never mind. There are far worse addictions!

    • http://www.funnylifestories.com GK Adams

      True!

  • http://hyethymecafe.blogspot.com/ Chris at Hye Thyme Cafe

    Had to laugh when I got to the pic of Duck Dynasty. I kept reading about that on other posts but had never heard of it before, so I was curious since everyone was recommending it. After seeing the pic, I think I’ll pass. ;)

    • http://www.funnylifestories.com GK Adams

      Awwww…you are doing yourself a disservice. You should watch the Duck men of Duck Dynasty! Who cannot love them some rednecks?

  • http://www.canigetanotherbottleofwhine.com/ Kate Hall

    OMG, you are an addict! Although not quite as much as Azara – I’d never heard of most of the shows she had on her list. This is a great list and I enjoyed getting to know about some of these shows – which to watch some time and which to avoid at all possible cost. :-)

    • http://www.funnylifestories.com GK Adams

      Addiction Schmaddiction!

  • http://www.stephaniesprenger.com Stephanie @ Mommy, for real.

    I can’t decide which photo I love/hated more- that Nicki Minaj/Muppet one (good call by the way) or that horrifying RH Miami photo. Holy shit indeed… And I’ve decided I really need to start watching Honey Boo Boo and Duck Dynasty. I keep hearing about Duck Dynasty and I still really have no idea what it is. Thanks for linking up today!

    • http://www.funnylifestories.com GK Adams

      You won’t regret watching the Duck men. THE BEARDS ARE BACK!

  • http://themisadventuresofamisplacedalaskan.blogspot.com/ Terrye

    Si is my hero! :) I loved the first season of Duck Dynasty, but the second…eh. Their spin off hunting show is more fun. :) Holy crap, that is a LOT of ‘reality’ for one person. Hubby likes that motorcycle building father/son team. He was bummed when he found out it wasn’t going to be on any more. I had an internal HALLELUJAH moment.

    As for the PX90…seriously. exercise then eat…burns better and less trumpet butt. ;) Just sayin…

    • http://www.funnylifestories.com GK Adams

      They have a spin-off hunting show? WTF is that called? I haven’t even heard of it!

  • http://www.findingninee.com Kristi – Finding Ninee

    OMG, that photo from the RH Miami show? Scary. Thanks for the nightmares. I don’t actually watch any reality TV but you’re the fourth person who has said Honey Boo Boo is worth it for the “holy shit” factor (although they didn’t phrase it like that), so I guess I’ll figure out when it’s on and check it out.

    • http://www.funnylifestories.com GK Adams

      Watch the show! But, don’t hold me accountable if you lose too many brain cells.

  • http://richrumple.blogspot.com Rich Rumple

    Gina, When do you watch all of these shows? I bet you DVR them and watch them on weekends, too! lol Great listing and really humorous comments! My wife and I watched one episode of Honey Boo Boo (because after all the jokes about it I’d made, I felt I owed it a viewing) and were in that same state you mention the whole time. The way the kid’s gaining weight, I don’t think there will be a pole dance in her future. I see more a manager of a deli in a gas station, kid under one arm and hair under the other! : ) Great post!

    • http://www.funnylifestories.com GK Adams

      Rich, I’ve learned to manage my addiction. Some (not all) addicts can accomplish amazing things. Not all of the show I mentioned are currently being aired, so that frees up my time. But, yes, there is a DVR involved.

  • http://icyfar582.blogspot.com Meg

    Love Top Chef…but Honey Boo Boo is scary! I watched it for 5 minutes and could feelthe brain cells dying. We are Browns around here so we cannot possibly root for the Ravens (unless they play the Steelers)

    • http://www.funnylifestories.com GK Adams

      Glad you stopped by, Meg. I guess you have to be a redneck to “appreciate” the holy shit factor when watching Honey Boo Boo. At least you’re a top chef fan. No need to feel embarrassed about that one. :-)

  • http://www.meetthecottons.blogspot.com Misty @ Meet the Cottons

    shhh, don’t tell my husband, but i secretly enjoy watching duck dynasty with him! but, i will never admit to that out loud! totally agree with you about honey boo boo. props to moma june for her saving the cash instead of spending it! she really kind of sets an example for bad tv moms everywhere!

    and i totally want to be a guest blogger!

    • http://www.funnylifestories.com GK Adams

      Since you began with, “shhh,” I read your whole comment with a whisper in my head. How messed up is that? I think I even looked left and right to make sure my animals weren’t looking…like this was a covert operation. Your email was listed in an email alert when you left this comment, so I sent you the information on being a guest blogger. Glad you stopped by and that you are sticking around! Smart woman!

  • William Kendall

    I can’t bring myself to watch reality television. It’s like fingernails on a blackboard.

    That pic of RH of Miami…. I wasn’t aware that Dark Crystal characters existed in the real world.

    • http://www.funnylifestories.com GK Adams

      GASP! Gotta have my Reality TV!